If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
