She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
