Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
