she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
