it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
