My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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