didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
