my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
