can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
