just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
