I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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