My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
