You smell like stripper and shame
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
