Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
