we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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