So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize