just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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