im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
