Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
