do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
