Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
