I need to stop coming to work sober
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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