make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
