i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize