omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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