Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
