you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
