theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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