ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
