I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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