My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Fuck appropriateness.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
