at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
