Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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