put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
