The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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