New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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