I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
