just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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