Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
