the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
