The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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