Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
