check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize