YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
