what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
