I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
