I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
