Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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