Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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