I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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