Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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