I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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