Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
