Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
