Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
