Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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