Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize