Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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