It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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