He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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