when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
