Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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