you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
