at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
