is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
