i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
