i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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