I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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