dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
