they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So squirting runs in the family.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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