We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
