Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
