And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Holy shit dude........stairs
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